FUCK IT !!!

Guess it's a UNLUCKY DAY for me today. Went to school as usual and was excited that I was able to go home early. But god doesn't seemed to favour me. It rained heavily.

After the last lesson, cutie Lydia spotted the redness in my left eye. AND YES !!! My eye is getting red again! Fcuk it ! And whats more, Shamilah, who always travel with me had already left for home as I stayed back to continue my projects.

So the poor poor me travel all the way from school back home ALONE ! Can u imagine that? Along the journey, I realised that Im actually a weakling who cannot be alone all by myself. Oh god! When can I start learning to be independent? Called Mom while I was on e way back home, asking her out for lunch as I have not ate since I got up from my bed. I was so hungry that I could feel the hunger punch in my stomach. But Mom, coincidentally was busy with some stupid stuffs and wasn't free for me.

Fortunately, I had MILDRED ! Both Angela & her ran out from their lesson just to meet me for lunch. Dont know how they did it, but I've still got to thank them(: Guess that being able to settle my stomach is the only good thing that went well.

Dad & Mom was furious when they saw me [esp MOM]. YES ! It was bcox of my eye. I know they both were worried, but the I truly think that they were kinda too harsh with me. Feeling really blue right now. It wasn't my intention for my eye to be like this. Who on earth would know that my eye hasn't fully recovered besides the optician of course.

Mom suggested to take me to CGH tmrw. But I've got lessons all the way from 8pm ~ 5pm. Almost the whole day. As they were very particular & concern abt my damn eye, they allowed me to skip school tmrw .

And now, here's the problem. I wanna heal my eye, & on the contary, I wanna go school for lessons. The lecturers are going really fast and if Im gonna miss any of the lesson, then i'll be doom.

FCUK IT ! WHY CAN GOD JUST SIMPLY GRANT ME BLODDY HEALTHY EYE? I dont ask for perfect eyesight. All I wan is a eye that it's cornea wont be damaged so easily.

Accidentally came across this which I found meaningful. Suddenly remembered smthg which again, tore my heart. Yes, I truly agree that we humans are not encouraged to bear grudges and be forgiving.

However, things weren't as easy as how others thought. Even how much you dont wanna bear grudges or regret, but that thing simply not giving me the opportunity to do so. Well, what the thing is, I seriously dont know how to explain.

Alright, let's replace that thing with a HER instead. Maybe you'll undertsand more.

I've tried holding on, wanting to go back. But she isn't the same anymore. She's leading a new life now and she seemed happy & satisfied with it. As for the others, everyone prefered the old her. Comments were that she's becoming even more vulgar, changing from a feminine and lovable HER to someone who seemed rough and violence.

Nobody knows what caused that change to HER. Probably the influence of friends or some other reasons. Well, I dont know for others, but it's kinda heartaching for me to see HER being like this. Not those kindof devastation, but just a little disappointment.

Well, like what the others said, it's isn't my business anymore. She loves being like this and HER current life now and all we could do is to wish HER best to her future enveadours. Hoping she knows HER priority, what she wants in future and the kindof woman she wanna be:)